It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
