I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize