11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
