she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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