this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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