Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dicks are not precious.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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