you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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