Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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