i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
