Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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