let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
