he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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