Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
