i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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