Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
