god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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