It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
