He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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