Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no, he came in my armpit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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