I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
