so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.