My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.