thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
