I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is my gift to your gina
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?