I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.