had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
