apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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