He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize