quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
