I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
