My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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