I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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