pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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