Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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