fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
