onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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