Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
