i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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