His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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