she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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