I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
