We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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