I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
