I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
