I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
