At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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