Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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