Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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