I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
