You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
