Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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