Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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