Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
