Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
