Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
