I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's shark week go big or go home
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster