She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.