I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long