If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.