Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.