We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
