i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
