my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I won the penis lottery.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
