here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
