haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
