Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
