Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
