somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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