i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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