the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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