Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
