this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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