I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
