I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.