When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh