I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
seriously i just wanna be friends
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people