Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.