I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.