you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize