I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
