Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
