I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This house was built for laser tag.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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