do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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