the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
