i jhust puked up my retainher.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
